Humor

Deer in a headlight moment.

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My girlfriend felt the need this evening to read an article aloud about weddings. I can’t imagine why; we’ve only being going out for seven years and living together for two. Besides, I’m sure that all couples start joint savings accounts for the specific purpose of saving up for the down payment on a house. I’d continue in this vein, but considering that the wedding article in question was written by Dave Barry*, I’d just be deluding myself on two levels, not one: Shotgun Wedding (Brides, a word of advice: Firearms might not be the best party favors)

(pause)

Jeebus, there’s an embarrassment of riches here. A taste:

Well, guess what? According to the Internet — and if we can’t trust the Internet, who the hell can we trust? — birds do not explode from eating rice. Avocados, yes; that is exactly why we do not throw avocados at the bride and groom. But rice is fine, except of course for the carbohydrates.

There’s also some stuff about guns and deranged bull monarch butterflies, although unfortunately not at the same time.

Moe

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I am an odd duck, really.

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I have a serious and contemplative religion post planned for tomorrow, it being Easter and all, and yet I am apparently almost compelled to do my part to make sure that this picture gets a wider distribution (all blame goes to Constant Reader kenB for pointing it out). I often wonder what’s down there in my subconscious –

(“Monsters, John! Monsters from the id!”)

– yes, thank you. Aside from random quoters, that is. On the bright side, I at least never came up with this*.

Moe

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You might be a wingnut if…

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Oberon of NGD’s post about Dennis Campbell has led him to create a definition of a Wing-Nut: If your political views about the opposition lead you to an obviously illogical conclusion – such as the Democrats would find Adolf Hitler to be the ideal candidate – and you accept the obviously illogical conclusion instead of … Read more

So, that’s what he meant.

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Kikuchiyo’s site would be worth blogrolling for the translations alone. Here’s a sample from his take on a David Brooks article on suburbs (which was, truth be told, just the tiniest bit pretentious): BROOKS: These criticisms don’t get suburbia right. They don’t get America right. The criticisms tend to come enshrouded in predictions of decline … Read more

Motto Contest!

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Jim Henley dropped a classic bit in comments which I decided to use to test out our catchphrase feature… and it worked! Huzzah! Time for a contest for the real motto for the site. Nothing that would violate the Posting Rules and try to keep it below twenty words; funny good. We’ll give it a … Read more

Surveying some of the April Foolin’

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Jim Henley apparently got just about everybody good this time around; Cox and Forkum not so much, but a bit. And this post of Treacher’s had better be an April Fool’s… dammit, it probably isn’t. Consider this an open thread of other good examples of April Fool’s blogging. Moe UPDATE: Jim Treacher, you should be … Read more

Might as well admit it.

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Well, as I couldn’t make myself approvingly post to a Atrios post, and as I couldn’t make myself approvingly link to a John Derbyshire article, and as it’d be just pointlessly mean to sign up under a fake name at dKos and start making trouble, and as nobody’s going to possibly believe me when I … Read more

To me, my loyal minions!

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…Oh, right, I don’t have actually have any. Oh, well, so much for that evil notion of everybody going out on April Fool’s Day and posting/commenting as their Spock-has-a-beard Evil Twin*; we’ll instead just use this as an thread for relating classic April Fool’s gags that you, you know, heard about somebody else doing once, … Read more

Hoax Warning

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Normally, I don’t even bother to read this sort of chain-email, even from friends, but some times it’s better to be safe than sorry. A good friend from London passed this along: If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your arse, … Read more

Come on Estrada, you’re barely registering here…

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The British-based group Transparency International has announced a “Top 10” list for “most corrupt” among global political leaders over the past 20 years. The complete top 10, with the dates of the rule and estimated sum stolen, are as follows: 1. Mohamed Suharto, Indonesia, 1967-98, 15 to 35 billion dollars 2. Ferdinand Marcos, Philippines, 1972-86, … Read more

And on a much lighter note

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I’ve never attended the annual Radio and Television Correspondents Association’s dinner in Washington, where the media and DC politicos mix and laugh it up, but I usually get a full report from a reporter friend, so I’ve always wished I could. Apparently it’s one of the best shows in town. The President always speaks and … Read more

Sheesh, I knew what that phrase meant…

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…before I was out of high school: A dirty welcome ‘mat’ (scroll down). New York Times Executive Editor Bill Keller had his boss, Arthur Sulzberger Jr., and media and literary grandees swearing like Russian sailors the other night – and they didn’t even know it. New Yorker magazine editor David Remnick threw a dinner for … Read more

Fear my Avenging Overdue Strike!

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We have apparently entered into a surreal portion of Election 2004, so why not link to this Onion article? Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament At Remote Island Fortress. FANG ISLAND—U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has opened his fortified island headquarters to participants in his second no-holds-barred martial arts tournament, the enigmatic mastermind announced … Read more

What, They’re STILL Getting People With That One?

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Great Googley Moogley:

ALISO VIEJO, Calif. (AP) – City officials were so concerned about the potentially dangerous properties of dihydrogen monoxide that they considered banning foam cups after they learned the chemical was used in their production.

(Via Instapundit)

Please note that I am assuming that our readers here have been sufficiently educated to get the joke right away.

Anyway, this was the last straw: I’m now calling for a Department of Slapping People Who Should Have Known Better in the Face with a Wet Halibut. Much as I hate to increase the size of the government, I’m not a hardshell libertarian. There are times and places, and that’s here and now:

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While we’re on the subject…

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…this is some really freaky sh*t, man. (Via Tacitus’ Bird Dog, curse him. And curse my vampiric eyes*.) Moe *Sluggy Freelance reference. Don’t worry about it.

Normally, this particular Moonbat’s under my radar…

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…but I’ll take the karma hit to show a little schradenfreude about the lovely news that Ted “Terror Widows” Rall’s strips got tossed from the NYT’s website. You can read all the happy details at Rall’s own site – just turn your BS detectors all the way down first, because when I say Moonbat, I … Read more

Something for everybody…

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Tbogg and Wonkette are, between the two of them*, collecting campaign slogans: tbogg’s covering the mean-to-Bush ones and Wonkette’s got the mean-to-Kerrys. Here’s your chance to realize your dreams… …well, maybe not, but some of the ones so far are funny. Moe *Yet independently.

Thou shall not make for yourselves an idol

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So Chief Justice Roy Moore might not approve, and Paula, Randy and Simon already cast their “No” votes, but the rest of the country seems to be sidestepping these authorities and creating their own Idol out of UC Berkeley student William Hung. If you were (un)fortunate enough to miss Hung’s audition on the Fox show … Read more

Serious People, Serious Posts…

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… so Rumsfeldian Fighting Styles are probably a hideous mismatch. Still, dammit, I had this idea first… which I can’t prove, because I can’t find the picture on the blog that sparked an impromteau caption contest. Arrggggh… (Via Surprised Conservative InstaNinja and Unapologetic Death Beast Ninja Blair)

It’s Nonsensical Sunday!

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Got this idea from the reactions to what I thought was a perfectly natural comment: “You’ll find that vampires are usually the reason behind why the Catholic Church does things.” – so I thought that I’d open up the floor to others. Statements must be: 1) Something said by you, or heard in your presence; … Read more

It’s somebody’s birthday…

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Von’s thirty today – by the by, yesterday was the three month anniversary of this blog – so what better way to celebrate than to sing a couple of verses of Happy Birthday?

Well, sort of: I belong to a medieval recreationist group called the SCA, you see… and we have a somewhat unique song that we use to celebrate this sort of thing.

(To the tune of “Volga Boatmen” – actually, I’m told that it’s not, but eh)

Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere

Chorus:
Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)

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This is why I don’t miss television.

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Stuff like this. (pause) Freaking server must be down. Anyway, it was the Quiznos ad. You know the one, I’m sure: the one with those weird hamster things that fascinated people in the same way that a cobra fascinates a bird. Sure, you laughed – but you laughed nervously. Well, at least I did, fuddy-duddy … Read more

Fafblog now has comments, God Help Us All…

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…and an insight into the Patrick Stewart space comment that I wish that I had had first. Of course, that particular sensation is probably why von and I link so often to Fafblog, huh? Moe PS: I still think that what Lileks said about Stewart was funny. So it goes.

And Now, an Important Issue

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Much as I loathe to contradict the worthy and refined Fafnir, I feel that I cannot let this statement of his (found in comments below):

Our last ninja president was Grover Cleveland I believe.

be unchallenged.

While all know that Ninja are not precisely over-represented among our Presidents, it is certainly untrue that there has not been one for over a hundred years. As Reader Michael N. has noted*, rumors of FDR’s ninjahood are legion; what is less well known was that the period between 1920 and 1945 were the Two Decades of the Ninja, starting with Warren Harding’s and Herbert Hoover’s epic battle for the White House** and ending with FDR’s reluctant break*** with the traditions of the First Ninja**** to save Western Civilization itself.

But I speak too much, too soon. I will simply say: contemplate Mount Rushmore, the curiously unsatisfying public reason why Alexander Hamilton remains on the ten dollar bill, and why the Whigs are never discussed in any political science textbook printed in a state whose name ends in a vowel, and soon, perhaps, you will understand.

Perhaps.

Moe

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While waiting for results…

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… of the primaries, here’s a Scrappleface article with a certain bite to it: Bush Backs Probe of Probes of WMD Probe. “Accountability is everything in a democratic republic,” said an unnamed senior White House official. “The CIA got much of its WMD intel from U.N. inspection teams that they couldn’t trust. The House, the … Read more

9 of Hearts

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One of the pleasures of having a group blog is that you get invites to everybody’s sandbox; in this case, Politboro Diktat’s DemCom Deck of Cards for Operation Bloggi Freedom. The cards themselves link to various sites, ranging from the warm-n-fuzzy and inconsequential (Yo*.) to the powerful and/or controversial (and one or two that just … Read more

Why we – well, I – read my Referrer logs

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Because we – well, I – like to see who visits us, and whether it’s because of an actual blogrolling or just a TypePad Recently Updated Weblogs link. The visit from My Favorite Headache was a case of the latter – but I found this particular entry amusing, so what the heck.

That makes Twelve…

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I got sent this link by another blogger (who I suspect may want to remain nameless*): ‘LORD OF THE RINGS’ WINS DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION: In naming the hugely profitable “Rings” sequel as its nominee, the Democratic Party broke with a longstanding tradition of nominating a human to head its ticket, with the exception of the year … Read more

The Long Anticipated Oscar Post

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I thought that it’d be nice for the Oscar people to see precisely how the geekvote is liable to see their current slate. Well, at least how one member of the geekvote is liable to see their current slate. You know the drill.

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WHEN PUNDITS ATTACK!!!!!

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This is like, freaky. First Al Franken went head to head with a LaRouche supporter; now Bob Novak is shoving around hecklers. Where will the madness end? Are those wild rumors of a crossover between Network and Rollerball being greenlighted actually true? Will pundits restart the Code Duello, and if so, can we watch and … Read more