“Igor! Attend me!”

by

“Yeth, mathter?”

“I have become bored and petulant, Igor. I grow weary of tormenting baby harp seals in front of chained ecoterrorists and stealing the ozone layer, all the while framing Noam Chomsky for the crime. I think that it is time to feed the commentgators.”

“Wonderful, mathter, wonderful! They’ve been off their feed here. No looming dithagreementh, no great battleth. What thall they be fed? Ann Coulter?”

“BAH! That woman knows nothing of true villiany! Besides, just between you, me and the Iron Maiden she’s a total nutcase. Actually, for all we know she is the Iron Maiden.”

“I’ve checked, mathter: the devithe ith too yielding and thoft to be her.”

“Err, right. Excuse me: BWAHH-HAH-HAHH-HAHHH!!!!!”

“BWAHH-HAH-HAHH-HAHHH!!!!!”

“Excuse me, but as per guild rules only the Mad Scientist gets to use five exclamation points for his or her mad laughter.”

“Thorry.”

“Hey, I’m only telling you so you’ll be careful when it isn’t just us.”

“Oh. Good point. Tho, what thall I feed the gatorth, then? The Michael Totten piethe?”

“Hmm. Tempting, but no. Not piquant enough: the mind control virus has not yet taken full control, so he is not entirely a Right-wing thrall yet. Let us wait until he is truely broken and mutated. Leave up the link, though: it’ll serve as a useful reminder that not all comments threads are as full of decent, honest leftists as is Tacitus’…”

“ALL HAIL!!!!!”

“ALL HAIL!!!!”

“Better, Igor, better. No, tonight I think we need something with a little more… bite to it.”

“BWAHHH-HAH-HAHH-H… oh, thorry, I thought that wath my cue. But what ith the pundit you withth… with… plan to drop on the gatorth?”

“Why, tonight I shall visit upon them… ANDREW SULLIVAN’S ARTICLE ON BUSH’S LONDON VISIT!!!!!”

Knife chord

“ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE?!?”

“You forgot to lisp.”

“Never mind the bloody lisp! That article’s like a red flag to a bull! Half the readers will agree with it, the other half will get pissed off at it, then the first half will get pissed off that the second half’s pissed off about it, and… oh.”

“You begin to see.”

“It’s risky. Excuse me, rithky.”

“Blogging is about risk.”

“Not oodleth of girlth, the adulation of millionth and new laptopth?”

“In that order: no, no and only if you’re Atrios or TalkLeft.”

(pause)

“Botth, why are we really doing thith?”

“Because I feel like it. Besides, the Bush visit to England should really get more play on both sides: i’m sure we’ll only get a spirited, entertaining and educational discussion. Come on, we’re being bleeding edge here!”

“I thee. Tell, me, mathter: have you ever had to clean up blood? I mean, like aftherwardth?”

“Well, no.”

“Imagine my thhock.”

9 thoughts on ““Igor! Attend me!””

  1. All I got out of Sullivan’s article is that Bush is no worse than his predecessors. (Probably true in some respects.)
    That, and the fact that Sullivan and Peggy Noonan have a huge crush on the guy.

  2. Let’s settle this once and for all – is it pronounced FRANK-en-stine, or FRAHNK-en-steen? EE-gor, or I-gor?

  3. It’s one thing to support the war in Iraq, Blair, or even Rumsfeld (hey, I have a soft spot for the guy). But for Sullivan to be so nuts about Bush, considering the way Bush feels about him, is straight out of the “hit me, daddy” school of political thought. Sorry.

  5. But in order to trigger the bloodbath, don’t you have to take a position on it, Moe? Our arms are too short to box with Sully (not because of any superiority in his reach… he’s just standing too far away. 🙂 )
    For my part, tho’ I’ve expended many a pixel on the shortcomings of Pres. Bush, I’d give a “so far, not bad” from what little I’ve seen between the massive coverage of Jacko’s latest.
    Of course, I’m still drifting for lack of a standard since my candidate left the field, so perhaps I’m being either too openminded or traitorous, depending on one’s perspective. If the remaining nine had returned my phone call… 😉

  6. I usually pronounce them as FRANK-en-stine and EE-gor. As for Sully… there’s no neutral switch when it comes to him and Bush; he’s either really happy about or really annoyed with (the latter usually involves gay rights and/or fiscal stuff). Probably fascinating to a psychologist: a pity I’m not one. 🙂

  7. Matt, were you a Bob Graham supporter? He was a class act. Why, why must he leave the Senate?
    Or Gary Hart? He’s not bad either.

  8. Katherine,
    Yep, I even acted as a volunteer hack for hire on his blog (I’m proud of helping out a good candidate, if not particularly proud of being a rank partisan). Before the Fall of 2002, a lot of people were under the impression Graham was in his last term, but then he got some fire in the belly over the way the administration did business and decided to run for president. I’m thinking that he’s now returning to plan A.

Comments are closed.