When you get emails asking if things are OK, it’s time for a subject change. Therefore, I shall belatedly link to this Onion article that I somehow completely missed last week: Jesus Demands Creative Control Over ext Movie:
Christ said He considered returning to the physical world to make an accurate film depiction of His life for years, but seeing The Passion prompted Him to finally descend from heaven, meet with His agent Ronald Thatcher, and demand that He be attached as a producer on any future projects.
“Ron has a history of telling Me that the filmmakers ‘totally understand’ the Word Of God, and that the project is going to be ‘fabulous,'” Christ said. “But when it comes out, it’s all wrong, and Ron claims everything fell apart in post-production. At that point, there’s nothing left for Me to do but say, ‘Okay, fine. I forgive you all.’ Well, next time, I’ll be shepherding the project through from casting to final edit to marketing.”
Describing one of His biggest complaints, Christ said that no film about His life has ever “made the apostles pop.”
“In The Greatest Story Ever Told, the 12 are basically interchangeable,” Christ said. “Directors get the piety, but they don’t bring out the personalities behind the agape love. Some of those guys were real cut-ups, you know. Simon Peter could make you laugh until you cried tears of blood.”
Call me nuts, but the author’s got a point with that last bit. Pretty funny stuff all around.