A new category.

Pretty much designed for those times when I know that I’m being a big meanie about something, but I can’t make myself care.

Example: this little bit about PETA vs. Michael Moore.

Michael Moore is making headlines with his controversial documentary, but one group is targeting the filmmaker for his waistline.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has selected the gadfly filmmaker as one of its “Flab Five” and is treating him to a Veg Eye for the Fat Guy makeover. “Looks like the ‘Downsize This’ author has been doing too much supersizing,” notes PETA.

“We’ll be sending him a nice little care package, a makeover kit filled with health and diet tips, PETA’s vegetarian starter kit, and suggestions on how he might change his lifestyle,” PETA’s Michael McGraw tells The Scoop.

Now, the proper response to this would be to send back the “care package” with a polite note that suggested that PETA use it themselves as a herbal suppository. Even in Michael Moore’s case; the man’s weight is the man’s weight, and it’s precisely this sort of schmuckboy, faux-concern that makes PETA such a joy to be around. Alas, in this case the proper response would also undoubtedly end up in a long and bitter intramural fight, given that PETA collectively does not have a sense of humor that can be detected without the aid of an electron microscope, or possibly a spirit guide. Therefore, if I was advising, say, John Goodman or Luciano Pavarotti on this, I’d tell them to just ignore both the kit and the intolerant yahoos who sent it.

Michael Moore, on the other hand… well, shoot, dude, are you just going to stand there and meekly take that?

(Via A Small Victory, who isn’t taking sides so much as she’s firing up the popcorn)