John Cole over at Balloon Juice is in full-bore rant mode (I don’t mean that in a bad way, mind you) about a bishop, a non-wheat communion wafer, transubstantiation and an eight year old with an inability to digest wheat products. I am gleefully skipping over the entire controversy – because, well, it’s my blog and I can – to instead note two things.
1). Why the HELL was I not told that Mean Mr. Mustard was back? I am getting sick and tired of not being forwarded even the most important VRWC internal memos;
and
2). Constant Reader Slartibartfast noted in comments to John’s post:
That’s why Lutherans are inherently superior to Catholics…no spokesprophets.
I’d just like to point out for the record that, sure, Lutherans can hold their own against Holy Mother Church when it comes to most things… but when the supernatural comes knocking, well. Nobody calls in a Lutheran strike team to exorcise the archfiend or stake the vampire; I will grant that shotgun-wielding Baptist preachers are getting a good rep for being able to deal with your standard infestation of brain-eating zombis, but the Roman Catholic Church still remains Number One, overall.
Just saying.
Interesting, skip the host and let the girl just drink the wine in Holy Communion which should solve the problem.
Lutherans are inherently superior to Catholics how many National Football Championship have Lutheran Universities won (and only big school championships count).
Nobody calls in a Lutheran strike team to exorcise the archfiend or stake the vampire; I will grant that shotgun-wielding Baptist preachers are getting a good rep for being able to deal with your standard infestation of brain-eating zombis, but the Roman Catholic Church still remains Number One, overall.
Granted. When the supernatural threatens, I’d call a Catholic. Not to be too obvious, though: it’s cinematic evil, so calling someone who can play a priest on the big screen might be just as effective.
how many National Football Championship have Lutheran Universities won
Are there any Lutheran universities big enough to play in a major bowl? I can’t think of any. I think Martin Luther failed to think through on the cash-flow angle of withholding absolution.
Note: even though I grew up practically within rock-throwing distance of Notre Dame, the phrase “touchdown Jesus” never vibrated my tympanum until I married into a Lutheran family. Go figure.
I dunno, guys. That Gustavus Adolphus guy was one tough customer.
I bet he could totally out-ninja any adversary.
See even the Lutherans understand the mysteries of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. 🙂
“That Gustavus Adolphus guy was one tough customer.”
I say nothing – nothing – against Gustavus Adolphus himself; his Lemurian adventures alone earned him a place in Shangri-La’s rejuvination baths. But he left behind no one that could safely carry the burden of the eldritch energies that he controlled so ably. Ach, Alexander, Richard Lionheart and Zachary Taylor: not even thy deaths served as a cautionary tale!
how about Magnus von Magnussen?
I bet he’s at least a nominal Lutheran.
What a great post. I’m still cracking up.
Moe,
Your post is super classic and I’m saying it as a child of Pentecostals and is a member of a Presbyterian church.
I will grant that shotgun-wielding Baptist preachers are getting a good rep for being able to deal with your standard infestation of brain-eating zombis, but the Roman Catholic Church still remains Number One, overall.
I dunno, Buffy made a pretty good case for letting the real Wiccans handle the demons and vampires. I mean, anyone who can die twice, get cursed to a day in the life of a Broadway musical, look good in a halter top and /still/ defeat the forces of darkness gets my vote.
FWIW one of my high school teachers was the priest who was the exorcist in the incident on which the novel, then film The Exorcist was based. I’ll blog about it some time.
Toward the end of preserving the tongue-in-cheek tone of this thread, I propose a new adjective:
theoal
referring to proclamations from the church leadership that defy reason.
Or maybe theoillogical might have been better. I’m no damned good at that sort of thing, I fully acknowledge.
I’d buy that dictionary.
theo-illogical will go up there with onto-theological.
Great post, Moe. I always wondered why, faced with vampires, or firey demons, or Fungi from Yuggoth, no one ever shouted “To the Presbytery! Only the Church Elders can save us now!” (Beeping sounds as the protagonist remotely unlocks his Chrysler Pacifica, and then the soft crush of a soccer ball being brushed off a seat.)
Now I know.
I think it’s partly because of this, von:
Lutheran elders would find conclusive, biblical proof that the monster in question could not exist, and persuade said monster of its nonexistence. This makes for extremely poor cinema, unfortunately, so Catholics it is.
“Hosts that are completely gluten-free are invalid matter for the celebration of the Eucharist,” Trenton Bishop John M. Smith wrote in a statement issued in response to the dispute with Haley and her mother.
I think that if Jesus knew that unleavened wheat would one day be called “gluten” he’d have snorted the wine he drank out his holy nose. Now that’s a sacrament I’d pay to see. Think of the collections!
FWIW one of my high school teachers was the priest who was the exorcist in the incident on which the novel, then film The Exorcist was based. I’ll blog about it some time.
You meet the nicest folks at OW…
Lutheran elders would find conclusive, biblical proof that the monster in question could not exist, and persuade said monster of its nonexistence.
Please, its the monsters that seek out the Catholics. They know that fire, brimstone and projectile split pea soup is no match for Lutefisk.
Gluten isn’t unleavened wheat. Gluten is a protein that’s in wheat.
They know that fire, brimstone and projectile split pea soup is no match for Lutefisk.
Lutefisk. Bah. It’s nothing, when compared with the Lutheran recipe book.
OK, I ordered a case of Confirmints. REFORM YOUR BREATH! heh.
Curia Film at 8:00 for Slarti and the Elders.
BC kicking a winning fieldgoal with Jesus making the call, priceless.
It seems there’s some kind of disturbance in the Force on the Catholic plane of the VRWC.
I always wondered if Jesus was conflicted when BC played ND.
I seem to recall that BC only beats ND when they’re not supposed to be able to. Maybe it’s just endless repeating of the David/Goliath meme.
Hoo-hah. I must point out that General Christian’s contribution, along with the comment thread that follows it, is the third most hilarious thing I’ve read in the blogosphere, behind Philosoraptor’s pantsing of DuToit and S, where S is the set of all possible Fafblog posts.
Jeezits, the cheese-flavored sacrament snack, which gallingly heretical, is comedy gold.
For those (hopefully, few) of you not in on the joke, this is Jesus making the call.
behind Philosoraptor’s pantsing of DuToit and S, where S is the set of all possible Fafblog posts.
Initially I misread this as “…pantsing of DuToit AND S…”. Then I realized S and DuToit are surely disjoint.
Agree with Slarti on the confusing syntax, but, boy, does Sidereal have a point re: the du Toit takedown:
Of course, du Toitification does not merely occur on the right (I’m lookin’ at you, Bushitler-believers . . . . )
David/Goliath meme
Slartibartfast, so Old Testament! 🙂
With the introduciton of the du Toit takedown can John Moses Browning be far behind (the smell of gunpowder and the klinging of brass casings) in this religious give and take.
First off, when it comes to style, the Roman Church wins hands down, but when it comes to all-out passion the Pentecostals are in to it!
How about style and grace?
Hmm. . yes. Apologies for the drunken commas.
“Then I realized S and DuToit are surely disjoint.”
Consider duGiblets.