From the Dallas Morning News, via Shakespeare’s Sister, comes a story about Tom DeLay’s legal defense fund. Hidden in it is the following quote:
“At American Airlines, which gave $5,000 in late 2002, spokesman Tim Wagner said that “we were told that Mr. DeLay, a member of Congress from our headquarters state of Texas, was facing substantial legal bills that he was unable to pay personally because of their size and his limited resources.” He added that American made no further donations.”
Moved by American Airlines’ generosity, Shakespeare’s Sister sends the following message:
Dear American Airlines,
I’m not from your “headquarters state,” but I have given you significant amounts of money in the form of international airfares in the past. Currently, however, I’m unable to pay personally for an overseas ticket, because of its size and my limited resources.
Knowing that you generously contribute $5,000 to people with such problems is awesome. I’m really looking forward to traveling to Edinburgh business class for a change! It’s nice to know you feel that my ass is too precious for coach, too.
Love,
Shakespeare’s Sister
What a wonderful idea! I, too, have spent lots of money on American Airlines tickets over several decades, but I had no idea they were prepared to help out people who can’t pay their bills. But I thought that Shakespeare’s Sister was wrong to limit her request to travel-related expenses. After all, I asked myself, if American Airlines is prepared to help Tom DeLay with his legal bills, despite the fact that they are not a law firm, their generosity must be far more extensive. So I wrote them the following message:
Dear American Airlines,
I read in the Dallas Morning News that you gave Tom DeLay $5,000 because he “was facing substantial legal bills that he was unable to pay personally because of their size and his limited resources.” I commend you on your generosity and your willingness to help those in need. I am writing to ask whether you would be willing to send me some money towards the purchase of a vintage Jaguar, for which I am unable to pay personally. While I am not a citizen of your home state, I have spent a lot of money on your tickets — I think especially of my trip to Johannesburg, which was quite expensive. And while I make roughly twice the median income for US citizens, my resources are far more limited than those of Rep. DeLay. In addition, my bills are due to my fine taste in automobiles, not to my cavalier attitude towards the law, and thus I think I have a claim on your generosity that Rep. DeLay does not. Thanking you in advance for your assistance,
(hilzoy)
P.S.: I am assuming, of course, that your contribution to Rep. DeLay’s legal fund is an instance of your general generosity. If, on the other hand, it reflects a more particular concern for him, then I will, unfortunately, have to refrain from patronizing your airline in the future, since I do not wish to subsidize unethical Congressmen, even indirectly. Thanks again.
Yes, I really did send it. You can send your own request here.
Awesome. I have sent mine right along.
Opus: what did you ask for?
Maybe everyone should post their letters in comments 😉
Don’t forget to ask for a pony, too!
My needs are simple. A 1980 Mazda RX-7, redone inside and out, 400hp turbocharged rotary engine, suspension kit, exhaust kit…oh, and tunes. Probably all could be had for under $10k. Please help now.
Great idea! I asked them to help me buy curriculum materials. I spent about 150 of my own money last month. I also asked them for free tickets to Ireland (what the hell-you can always ask).
Oh, and surround sound. I’ve always wanted surround sound.
Wiser heads would have them reinvest the money in their own company, possibly by purchasing a clue. But I’m shallow sometimes.
I was, alas, unimaginative (I should have asked for the pony!). Here it is:
Dear American Airlines,
Via The Dallas Morning News, I see that you have generously given Congressman Tom DeLay $5,000 to help with his legal expenses. As a long-time Dallas, TX resident and American Airlines customer, I am thrilled to hear about your new charitable gifts program. I hope that I qualify: I haven’t done anything that has the appearance of impropriety, but I am in need.
Please feel free to apply my $5,000 to either (1) my various debts; or (2) air travel on Midwest Express Airlines (AA does not fly to my favorite destination).
I await your reply. Thank you so much for your generosity!
(Opus)
Gee, this is fun. How about, Dear American Airlines person. You have a great airline. I’ve used you most out of O’Hare and appreciate you serving all those small towns around the Midwest that I must fly in to occasionally. I hear you were ‘shook down’ by Tom Delay to assist him with his legal bills. Interesting how this country works, isn’t it. Mr. Delay is a politician, and you know how they can be. But I also understand that Mr. Delay represents you and your thousands of Texas employees in matters that you might determine are of grave importance for the survival of your company. I also understand how legal bills are generated these days. Mr. Delay’s opponents are gleeful these days that the capabilities of this powerful man can be diminished by innuendo and merely suggesting impropriety. You know, the bigger they are… Thank you for the role you play in this incredible system of ours. I’ll be sure to fly American whenever it’s prudent to do so.
“Mr. Delay’s opponents are gleeful these days that the capabilities of this powerful man can be diminished by innuendo and merely suggesting impropriety.”
Having long-term memory problems? Say roughly over the past decade or so?
Maybe Blogbudsman doesn’t want a pony?
bbm
You might want to read Charles Bird’s post on Delay and complain to him about diminishing this powerful man. Why does Bird Dog hate this incredible system of ours?
Why does Charles Bird hate America?
Guess that was too obvious.
I can hear Blogbudsman now: “Charles Bird sucks and is ruining this country!”
:-p
That’s right Jes, me a Catsy are two peas in a pod!
btw, nice to see you back bbm and I hope your absence wasn’t because of anything bad. Also liked the Gerber Picante Sauce pic on your blog.
Hey, this is great! I can finally get that leaky wall by my shower fixed!
I sent in my request. I said that, not only have I never made veiled threats against federal judges, but I also do volunteer work and rescue stray kitties; which makes me a saint, comparitively speaking (I said.)
So… I’m off to Home Depot, to look at tile!
Boy did I aim low. I’ve been Advantage Gold or higher for ten+ years and all I asked for was a free first class trip to Brazil . . .
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