Satire In The Washington Post…

And it’s actually good! An op-ed by Harold Meyerson seems to have been sparked by this quote: “some Republicans have speculated that Rumsfeld wanted to stay on with the hope that security conditions in Iraq would improve, leaving him with a better legacy.” It begins with the announcement, dated Dec. 8, 2016, that President Goerge P. Bush has reappointed Rumsfeld yet again.

“Sources close to the president-elect say that failing to reappoint Rumsfeld would be taken as a criticism of his uncle, former president George W. Bush, whose decision to invade Iraq in the spring of 2003 has bogged down U.S. forces there in a bloody and ongoing conflict that has lasted nearly 14 years. “George W. is mighty proud of independent Kurdistan,” said one former official who is close to the Bush family. “He may have regrets about the Islamic Theocratic Republic of Basra, particularly since they got the bomb, and the PTCZWBOS [Permanent Temporary Curfew Zone Where Baghdad Once Stood], but he’ll never admit it.”

Rumsfeld does not plan on serving all four years of President-elect Bush’s term, one Defense Department official said today. “As soon as things turn up, the moment the Green Zone is secured, he’s out of there.”

(…)

Both Presidents George W. Bush and Jeb Bush periodically found themselves compelled to mount strenuous defenses of Rumsfeld’s lengthy tenure. In a memorable 2006 news conference, a visibly exasperated President George W. Bush argued that wartime presidents had traditionally stuck with their commanders for the full duration of their conflicts. “Lincoln didn’t dump McClellan, and I’m not dumping Rumsfeld,” the president declared, leading the White House press office to issue its now-famous clarification that the Civil War had actually ended in 1862.

Rumsfeld’s most recent term was marked by controversy over the extended tours of duty that many of the U.S. soldiers and marines in Iraq have been compelled to serve. With enlistments in the armed services down to a trickle, and with Congress unable to find the votes to pass the so-called Sensenbrenner Plan to staff the armed services with unpaid, undocumented immigrants, many of the front-line U.S. soldiers in Iraq have been serving there since 2004, their terms of enlistment repeatedly extended by Rumsfeld’s order.

Since the Mutiny of 2009 Defense Department officials have been concerned that bringing the “colonial army” home would risk infecting stateside troops with a crisis of morale. “We’re fighting low morale in Iraq,” one general said, “so we don’t have to fight it here at home.”

Rumsfeld’s decision to remain at the Pentagon’s helm may not have been dictated entirely by his desire to stay until the PTCZWBOS is secured. “Don took a bath when the dollar tanked back in 2005,” one prominent Republican said, “and hasn’t done all that well since the dollar was pegged to the yuan. In the absence of Social Security, he can’t afford to quit.”

Tee hee hee.