Got this idea from the reactions to what I thought was a perfectly natural comment:
“You’ll find that vampires are usually the reason behind why the Catholic Church does things.”
– so I thought that I’d open up the floor to others. Statements must be:
1) Something said by you, or heard in your presence;
2) Amusingly nonsensical out of context; and
3) Not be overtly or covertly political.
Have at it.
“if it wasn’t for my horse, I’d never have spent that year in college.”
–from a comedy routine by Lewis Black
Still the oddest thing I’ve ever heard.
“Wood? Wood?!!! Wood is for sissies!”
-during workplace discussion on what kind of ammo we should use for our office siege engine.
From the women in my life:
“He has a bunch of stokes in the fire.”
— a classic from my wife
“I will trade you flesh for purple.”
— innocently uttered by my wife during a street chalk art festival
“The guys at work will never believe I was whacking bush this weekend.”
— another innocent concoction by my wife, while hiking through pathless wilderness. Even the ground squirrels sat up and blinked at that one.
“You were giving really good hose that day.”
— a compliment to my wife about her help laying new sod (when I met her for the first time–now I’m the lucky sod!)
“Do you have any sausage left?”
— an unfortunate query posed over the phone by my wife about leftovers, in full hearing of the entire male engineering staff
And, finally, the blue ribbon goes to:
“You have a ding, but no dong.”
— an unfortunate disclosure made by a visiting female friend, noting our malfunctioning door bell