42 thoughts on “Caption contest…”

  2. Actually, all I can think of when I see that picture is that song that goes “I can see clearly now / the rain is gone / I can see all obstacles / in my way…”

  3. Yay, my first rerun. Now for syndication:
    “The challenges faced by today’s Army, ranging from firefights to community relations, demand a mix of toughness and kindness, and a new breed of soldier: the British Shorthair.”

  5. I’m thinking of “guns don’t kill people. I kill people,” which I think is from Happy Gillmore originally.
    I’m also thinking that if I ran across this kitten I would be put out of the misery of writing a legal paper about a country that does not publish any law reviews, court cases or statutes. Not my brightest idea.

  9. MattK takes the lead. (He might be able to clinch it by letting us know the title of the book & writing a brief excerpt.)

  12. “Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Why couldn’t you JUST THINK OF THE KITTENS!”

  15. The Cat Shot Back

    The man around the corner swore he’d kill the cat on sight, He loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite; He waited and he waited for the cat to come around, Ninety seven pieces of the man is all…

  20. Red Pause, Red Paws
    A book for children
    by Tom Clancy
    (with help from his kitty, Marshmallow!)
    Jack Ryan is a happy man.
    Jack works for the President, to keep you, me, your mommy and daddy and even your cats and dogs safe.
    Even though this is an important job, Jack has to keep it secret, because there are bad people who don’t want him keep you safe. That’s right, they are so bad that they would even try to hurt your kitty. Marshmallow says this is true, “Meow-meow!”
    A long time ago, before you were born, some of the worst of these people ran out of money and had to stop being bad (to us and our kitties anyway). But before they did, they took a pretty fluffy kitten, gray as a winter sky, and made him bad like them. They got this kitty so mixed up, he thinks good is bad and bad is good!
    And now, even though the people who mixed him up have given up on trying to hurt Jack, kitty is so confused, he doesn’t know what to do.
    It’s not the kitty’s fault, imagine if you were a kitty taken from your mama too soon and not given kibble unless you did something bad, and when you did something good, you were put out on the street in the cold with traffic and mean people and not let back in until you promised to be bad again.
    Poor, poor kitty.
    And Jack Ryan’s daughter is in his crosshairs…

  21. As soon as she came into my office, I knew that she was trouble.
    She moved like a winter cloud and her eyes were two emeralds, green and rich and cold. She was built for sin, but only the really rich kinds. Her voice was pure mockery. “You don’t look like a detective,” she purred.
    “That’s funny,” I barked back, “You don’t look like a client.”
    It was true. I never get the pick of the litter coming into my office. Husbands wanting to know about their wives, wives wanting to know about their husbands, a boss or two wondering why their business ain’t doing so good but their partner’s got a new house. I decorated my office to match. Real simple to do; just fire the cleaning lady and only empty out the ashtrays in months with an R in them.
    “How long do we banter?”, she asks, her accent kissing each syllable on its way out of the mouth. I pegged it as Korean, or maybe Siamese.
    “Depends. How long before you’ll want to get to the point?”
    “Fine.” She sat on my desk. “I’ll make it simple. I need help, and I can’t go to the cops.”
    I admit that the view may have made me pant a little, or it could have been the heat. It was a really hot day for Septembe. “I’m all ears.”
    “Long ones, too.” she smirked. Leave it to a Siamese to put the claws in. “Somewhere out there is a kitten. I need him found.”
    “Why?”
    “He’s got a gun.”
    Like I said: trouble.

  22. you know, I was going to give midnight tonight as the deadline for entries, but I’m inclined to extend it indefinitely, because these are a hilarious & a very nice break from corporations.

  25. “Animal behaviorists have documented that cats left alone too much in small urban apartments can sometimes develop bad habits, such as clawing furniture, overeating, and assassination.”

  26. “Able to act with impunity, an anonymous kitten shows the unanticipated consequences of the North Shore Animal League’s unilateral implementation of a ‘no kill’ policy.”

  29. “…little did they know that the judging in this year’s dog show was going to be a bit more…stringent.”

  30. I’ve only said it like 57 thousand times, but noooooo, she still brings home the wrong kind.
    If she comes out of that market without it this time…
    …Whiskas?!!!!
    “Cats ask for it by name” my ass, ‘meow’ this baby!

  31. I think even Acidman would appreciate that pic. You should send it to him.
    My caption
    “The media has created a name for the unkown sniper after the type of shots he has made on his vetanarian victims. He is known as the neuterer”

  32. Fluffy Brady was going to do a bad thing.
    After sneaking up to Charles Heston’s room, she was going to shoot Mommy.
    This would let Mommy continue her Crusade against the evil gun owners.
    At least Mommy would match Daddy now.

  39. I’ve been meowing for months big shot “No more scraps! Now ya just wait ’til I rifle up the kibble!”

  42. that iz’nt something u should put on the website u and who ever posted this pict. r STUPID RETARDS how dare u put a pict. of a cat doin that omfd.u should no what that means….

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