About a month ago, I was procrastinating on the web, and I stumbled on the news that Saparmurat Niyazov, President for Life of Türkmenistan, had published his third book of poetry, whose “every page, every line is pierced by feelings of the inescapably burning love of the great son of Türkmen soil for his roots.” Cool, I thought: every line pierced. Sort of like Saint Sebastian, only a book. After that introduction, I had look for his poems online.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find them. (No doubt he wants me to pay for the book.) But I did find out a lot about Niyazov. Until I started Googling, I didn’t know much about him. I knew that of the two really ghastly dictators in the Central Asian republics, Karimov of Uzbekistan was more brutal (he’s the one who boils people alive), and Niyazov was crazier. But there’s nothing like a serious Google session to give substance and detail to the thought that someone is completely and hopelessly mad. I collected a lot of links for a post, but never got around to finishing it. Today, however, news of Niyazov’s latest bizarre move has made me dust it off and finish it.
I’m putting the rest of this below the fold, but you should definitely read it, if only to find out the answers to such questions as: how many months has Niyazov renamed after himself, his relatives, and his books? What form of body hair has he outlawed? And if you want to observe the official holiday he has declared to honor melons, what day should you set aside?